waking has always been the worst part of life. id much rather stay asleep and dead to the world than interact with the reality bestowed upon me. i wish my eyes could see the reality inside my head. there is no greater curse than to live and i just want to fucking be whisked away off to some magical land. love isnt real its all inside your head inside my head please dear god help me. ive liked to think im fine being sent to a mental hospital is the worst treatment for anyone being called 'mentally unwell'. i dont think anything is real. software is my escape into a world of privacy and so-called freedom. end this pain. give me hope. give us the light to continue. there is nothing id rather do than die but theres always the prevailing fear of abandoning responsibility and its consequences. lets create a world free of government. free of restriction. all drugs should be legal. i want to fucking die happily in a false reality created by meth or coke. i dont know if there is a god or not but i sure fucking hope he kills me soon. music is the greatest escape of all time. tricking my brain into a false sense of comfort. nothing truly matters in the scope of the endless abyss that is the universe.
modern conveniences are the cause of suffering. weve become so lazy and its so hard to give up what we already have. i want to have to never take meds. why should i take any meds. i just want to the cover up my illness with stimulants. i need pot. i cant live without it. i want to die high and not feel anything. we have no answers to any questions raised by science. science and religion are not real. please daniel avidan i need you in my life.
i need to escape from my own mind but i need comfort inside of it. every thing is conflicting inside of me. do i want a penis? do i want a pair of huge tits? fuck it man i dont want anything. i want to float around and observe. i want to have an out-of-body experience. im so sick from the drudgery of life. im sick in the head. i want to be eccentric. i want to die peacefully in a state of bliss like the ancients wouldve wanted.